Fairfield

Remember when digital info was actually loadable in an instant? Fairfield Farm remembers, our sponsor for this same named TheAss YOU-SHIT-WE-SHIT (YSWS) event. Ancient ass style website making w*rkshop, this is. HTML is markup. Nerd ass shit. Save this page and look at it under a plaintext editor. No, your notes app probably isn't a plaintext editor. If it has boldness, it's not plaintext. Now, observe. <B> is a tag, specifically a tag start. The first 5 characters of it that you are looking at are just the way to type it to appear as the literal symbol. Very complicated concept, I know, so the unpaid kids telling you what that means will be extra annoyed. Now, here's a LINK! Now, as per usual, I will not actually explain this part despite explaining everything else to that level of detail because fuck you, that's why. Anyways, stuff you can use to give your text some style (no longer functional not included):

CITE - show who you are quoting from. Actually just I.
CODE - for code. Actually just TT.
EM - EMphasize. Actually just I. Matters for accessibility. Somewhat. Sorta. None of our stuff is accessible anyway.
KBD - Instruct someone to type something. Actually just TT.
STRONG - STRONG text. Actually just B.
VAR - Coordinate in general or mathematical variable, nerd shit. Actually just I.
DFN - Important term described first time. Actually just I.
I - Italics.
B - Bold.
U - Underline.
TT - m o n o s p a c e.

Huh, I guess it kinda already sucked back then. Anyways, create stuff with this doctype: <!DOCTYPE HTML SYSTEM "http://www.the-pope.com/html0.h.dtd">. Yes, it's from the supposed literal Pope, if you believe in Him (and/or the fact). A doctype is the shit you put at the start, usually just proves you are cool. Now that you have your page, you have to get it up to a hosting provider of your choice.

With one of our previous sponsors, fiddle-widdle-liddle-diddle.io, you have to fuck around with the menus a bit. No, it won't actually work with the tech from 80 or so years ago. Create new project > ... > My own idea > --- > Advanced > My own stack (tick "Expert Mode") > Static webpage > More... > HTML > More... > RAW > Yes, I am sure > Skip > Skip > Skip > Skip > ... > Code. Now, paste your masterpiece and save.
With TheAss Den with an account active with the "Hobo-jaro 320GiB Gah-nome Edition", make sure you have cleared most of the default user dir such that the disk quota is below at least 200% if you haven't yet. Now, from your remote desktop session, choose "Web wizard" from "Apps". You will have to follow a procedure similar to the one described above, you will see what I mean. This also won't work with the 80+ year old tech.
With TheAss Den and the "FSBOS" option, login following the official instructions, go through the entire default profile setup TUI if you haven't already and choose "Service mode" (don't mind the name) in the left bar with the Tab key on your keyboard then press Enter. The password is just the Enter key. Go through the entire legal disclaimer and accept it. Now, when it starts saying [yourname@den.theass ~] $ , don't be afraid of it. Also don't try to press tab or space or anything like you were instructed before. Type tee the.htm>/dev/null <<EOF, paste your entire thing (must not have EOF in it), then EOF. At the end. Now, when the weird prompt appears again, type /lib/weird_old_stuff_that_something_still_depends_on/boxoftoys webd -f . -p num, where you gotta replace num with a random number between 257 and 65535 you just made the fuck up (try again if error). Nothing will appear to happen. Now, you can go type your personal address into the your web browser, without closing the FSBOS-Connect-Inator-7000(tm), with no slash, followed by a :, then the number you picked, and then add /the.htm. Congrats, now you have 80+ year old tech! After you click through 4 to 8 levels of warning screens depending on how you are viewing.

We won't say which year this event runs so people will ask as usual, just note that it's 2070s, probably. Active until S*pt*mb*r 1-st. Oh, and almost forgot, the prize is some ancient "phone" thing. One that has, uh "midlets"? "WAP"? There are a few people into this necrophilia, you can ask them.